Even on your worst days

My past few weeks have been rough, to put it mildly. 

I pushed too hard. I did too much. Then I got sick... and kept going. I’m not sure at what point an overly self sacrificing mom goes from nobility to stupidity, but I definitely crossed that line some time in recent weeks. 

Then it all came to a head on Tuesday morning. I woke up and knew I was teetering on the edge of my limits, but the big girls had meet the teacher, so once again I pushed through. Honestly it was simply a terrible day, but I did what moms do and I kept going and plastered that smile across my face... until I couldn’t anymore. 

One final issue at school pushed me past my breaking point, it was something that on a normal day would have left me unphased, but not that day. So I walked up to the front desk to address the issue and up walks the principal and in an instant my cool collected nature disappears only to be replaced by a bumbling idiot. You guys I lost it... like uncontrollable, streaming tears down my face, words slurred, mascara running and couldn’t catch my breath kind of reaction. And there was nothing I could do to make it stop. 

Sometimes we fall quietly in a safe guarded place. Other times we lose our minds surrounded by our kids, their principal, all of the administration, the school counselor, a handful of parent volunteers and about a dozen parents and their children. Surrounded by people and yet in that moment never feeling more alone. 

I apologized and practically ran from the building. 

God and I have argued since then about the necessity of that particular breakdown at that particular place in time. But I’m continuing to trust that He works all things out- even my crazy humanity. 

As I slowly began to tell my friends about what happened, I realized that almost every single one of them had a similar story of when they came to the end of their rope- albeit less dramatic and Oscar award winning than my own recent humiliation, but all of a sudden I wasn’t alone. I walked away from one of those conversations and took a deep breath for the first time in almost three days. I wasn’t crazy! Or at least I wasn’t ALONE in my crazy. 

And while there are so many lessons that I can take away from this very public experience, the reason I’m sharing it with all of you... is because I know there has to be someone else out there who needs to know they are not alone in their struggle. I’m working on slowing down when I need to, trusting God more completely and handling my stress in more proactive ways. But there is just something about knowing other people around you are working through their own junk, as you work through yours. 

So just know I’ll be over here wading through mine, and if you need an ear to bend or a prayer prayed... just let me know. You’re not alone in this. 

XOXO

               Bethany