There are certain toddler milestones that you watch play out on every comedy sitcom and unknowing couples without children and singles laugh at these intrigues as though they were simply an over exaggeration of this parental "game" we play. Then one day you wake up and you have a toddler... and realize it's no laughing matter. It is all too real and all of those scenarios you laughed at those years before come to pass. So just know now... You've been warned.
And I'll just say I'm sorry now, I have no photos of R's crazy escapades. I was too focused on cleaning up messes to get any pictures.
These past couple of days have been a real doozy.
R learned how to open the refrigerator. Greeeat, just want I needed. As if being able to lock me out of the house, get into every pantry and room unaided, and pull anything tall enough to climb on and grab sharp objects off of counters wasn't enough- now she can get to any liquid, frozen dessert or container of yogurt all by herself.
As if it wasn't enough that R can get into the fridge, she can't just close the door like a normal person. She has to slam it shut with every ounce of power she can muster. On one occasion when she did that, I heard something shift inside. I quickly forgot to check and found out later what it was- a carton of eggs. The eggs came crashing down to the kitchen floor the next time Reese decided to open the fridge despite her mama's constant requests that she leave it alone. About half a dozen eggs scattered all over the kitchen floor.
Now normally at this point, I would grab my camera for a quick candid picture. However, I was too focused on frantically trying to get the eggs off the floor as two little girls darted for them as though they were candy. I did everything I could to keep my cool because as easy as it can be to get upset, I am slowly realizing that getting angry does more harm than good in dealing with toddlers. I tried to reason with R and show her that this is an example of why mama asks her not to do things. I told her that while I knew this was an accident, it happened as a result of her not being obedient. Yea, by the looks of the blank stare I received and the fact that she did the exact same thing just moments later, I'm going to guess that she didn't get what I was trying to tell her.
I got the girls down in front of the tv and finally got the eggs cleaned up and was rinsing off some dishes when I heard a little voice behind me saying words that come out of my mouth entirely too often. "Mama, I'm a mess!" Her tone was a cross between excited and nervous as to my response. I did not want to turn around. I was truly terrified as to what might be behind me. I finally mustered up the courage when I began to smell something strange- grape. When I did turn around, my head sank and my palm when to my face.
R was covered from head to toe in grape bubble bath. I grabbed her hands and quickly wiped them off and then ran to the bathroom where the bubble bath was kept, making sure on the way that Baby Girl was no where near the vicinity. One purple toddler was more than enough. And then I saw it, a purple bathroom. She had painted the entire toilet purple. It covered the floor and all of the tub. The sink was purple too. I don't know if you've ever tried to clean up bubble bath, but let me just tell you - it's NOT easy! It just keeps making suds and never seems to go away. I scrubbed that room forever and my house still smelled like grape.
But let's just be honest for a minute, the bathroom was probably the cleanest its been and some time and by the time I got the bathroom squared away, the bubble bath princess had dried out- so I just left her in those clothes. She just added to the grape smell that had already taken over the house. I know, I'm once again up for the Mom of the Year Award.
Oh no my stories don't end their my friends. In a matter of three days, this little girl has done a number on my house! I find R outside today with what will be called a "rogue" crayon. I saw blue markings on the concrete outside and found R red handed with a blue crayon. I somehow hoped in my parental naivety that she found the crayon and immediately took it outside, praying she left my house unharmed. Hours later I discovered the truth. I found "the wall." I then spent the next half hour scrubbing my walls and praying it would come out. God bless whoever came up with Magic Erasers because they are a life saver! You can still see it if you look hard enough, but I'll take anything over a wall covered in blue doodles.
I seriously feel like I am being filmed. My life has got to be a sitcom and I just don't know it! I always believed my life to be very humdrum and boring until I had kids. There is NOTHING boring about a house with a one year old and two year old in it. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my girls and I LOVE my life, but these days have been some kinda crazy!
So parents-to-be, just remember.... You've been warned! : )
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